Parallel parenting is a structured form of co-parenting designed for situations wherein communication and cooperation between parents are especially difficult. It is often the best option for families emerging from high-conflict divorces or separations, as well as families colored by a history of domestic abuse.
While this arrangement may not look like traditional co-parenting, choosing to parallel parent is not a sign of failure—it is often a practical, protective decision that prioritizes a child’s stability and emotional well-being over the reality of ongoing parental disputes, tension and certain safety issues.
Co-parenting just isn’t the best option for every situation
In parallel parenting, each parent maintains (relatively) full responsibility and decision-making authority when their child is in their care. This approach minimizes direct interaction and eliminates the risk of certain kinds of conflict. Parents who are moving forward with a parallel agreement typically communicate only through written methods, such as text or email, and only about essential topics like schedules, medical needs and education. The focus of this approach is usually maintaining a consistent and low-stress environment for a child and, in some situations, protecting the well-being of one or both parents.
Many parents worry that a parallel parenting plan means they are letting their child down by not working towards a close, cooperative relationship with the other parent. In reality, it can be a healthy and effective solution for families when traditional co-parenting is not advisable. Children benefit most from peace and predictability—not from seeing their parents fight, and not from seeing one or both of them miserable a significant amount of the time. By reducing conflict, parallel parenting can help to shield children from emotional harm and can help to facilitate secure relationships with both parents.
This approach also gives parents space to heal and regain control over their own lives. Over time, as emotions settle and trust slowly rebuilds, some families are able to transition from parallel parenting to more cooperative co-parenting. But even if that never happens, a well-structured parallel parenting plan can help to ensure that a child continues to receive love, guidance and support from both parents.